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Top Picks - Ways to Make Anyone Hate Art History from your Art History Guide | ![]() | | Be sure to follow any and all of these suggestions if your goal is to put children - or anyone else, for that matter - *off* the study of art and art history. Properly done, the once curious will come to loathe the very thought of art history. (Note: This list is fondly dedicated to Suzanne Eberle, Ph.D., Professor of Art History, Kendall College of Art & Design. By disregarding everything below, she taught me and countless others to love art history as she does.) | | 1) Be extraordinarily Serious.
"Serious" is capitalized for good reason. Be ever vigilant, lest a stray element of fun find its way into what is a Very Serious Topic. Bonus points are awarded if informative, albeit pedantic, bons mots are delivered in a snore-inducing monotone. Additionally, be sure to chastise Others - be they students, social acquaintances or the cashier at the convenience store - who have shown even the slightest tendency toward injecting enthusiasm into this Very Serious Topic. 2) Use loads of foreign phrases. Offer no translations.
"Foreign" phrases are relative, so let's clarify. Pepper native English speakers with French, Italian and Germanic phrases from art history. Reverse this process by inserting mystifying English vernacular for those who do not speak English. Deliver these phrases with an authentic-sounding accent, but do not explain them. Under no circumstances should a phrase from outside Western art be employed, let alone explained. Discourage questioning with a steely, authoritative gaze. 3) Portray artists as a unique mammalian species.
Offer no anecdotal tales of an artist's life that might shed light on why he or she created that which s/he created. Impressionable children should realize, and as early as possible, that artists are different from the rest of the human population. Artists never have rent payments, love interests or temper tantrums. Nor do they eat, sleep, procreate or relieve themselves. Simply say, "So-and-so did what s/he did and you must accept the fact that this is important." Then move on. |
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